by Darling Nikki 02.28.2013 –tvone.tv
“How could you love anyone if you don’t love God?”
That’s the big question at the end of the “True Love” episode of Belle’s and it raises the really big question: Is religion a relationship deal breaker?
If you didn’t see the episode, Jil, a single, working mother (played by the fabulous Elise Neal) finds the perfect man but is quick to throw it away when she finds out he is an atheist. The episode got people talking, folks like TV One user True, who said: “ . . . by all means, let’s keep another black mother SINGLE! And let’s keep another black child WITHOUT a father-figure in the home! Just because you lack the ability to show love and kindness. Jesus ate with prostitutes, tax collectors, uneducated peasants, etc. yet this father was so “Christian” that he had to rudely leave the table because there was an atheist there! And where was the lesson learned at the end, the moral of the story?? This episode was just horrible……….. yet a very accurate representation of black folk.
Straight up, I’m mad that Jil let a beautiful BWM (black man working) walk out of her life without really giving it a try. It might not have been HER ideal situation but you know as well as I do that the chances of getting EVERTHING on your list is slim to none!!!!! The majority of folks (men and women) have had to compromise on SOMETHING in their relationships whether it’s dealing with baby-momma-drama to raising children that aren’t theirs but I guess that RELIGION was the ONE thing that Jil was not willing to compromise on.
Does Jil know that *70% of black women (between the ages of 25 and 29) are NOT married according to a study conducted at the Kirwan Institute for the Study of Race and Ethnicity at Ohio State University?! I guess that’s where faith steps in, if you are a believer. But whether you believe in God or not, you control your own destiny. How does Jil know that God didn’t place that man in her path for a teachable moment?
Even though some of my holier-than-thou, judgmental, frenemies cringe at my views on sex, relationships and even religion, can’t we ALL just get along, agree to disagree then keep it MOVING? I hated the fact that Jil gave up on a chance at love just because her man had different beliefs. But I can’t help but ponder if a couple can co-exist with two totally different views on something as big as religion?
The answer is YES. I know an older couple who have quite different views on religion. He is a devout deacon in a Baptist church and his wife is a devout Muslim and they seem to make it work, twenty-plus years of marriage and counting. But if you want to get technical they do both believe in a higher power, just not the same one; does that make a difference? I’ve dated men with similar beliefs as me and we couldn’t make it out of a paper bag together so I’m not buying that “equally yoked” is always a match made in heaven (no pun intended. LOL)
TV One viewer True (see their comment above) said it best when he/she questioned why Jil should remain SINGLE and have no FATHER FIGURE in the home for her daughter. Jil’s love interest (Jack) wasn’t a terrible person but he sure was treated like one. I’m not saying hook up with anyone just to say you have a man but the atheist in question was a man of integrity, NOT a bum. He was treated like a leper because of his belief and for that ONE reason and that ONE reason only he was escorted to the door.
With that said, I do respect Jil but I don’t agree with her actions or the actions of her family even though there are A LOT of black families that would act the same way whether we like it or not. Jil represents thousands of women just like her; single moms that are holding it down, working hard and doing their best to raise their children alone (for the most part) to the best of their ability. At this stage of the game, Jil’s number one focus is most likely her child and not a man. Like a lot of single mothers, she doesn’t just bring any man around her family or her child/children. And at the very minute, when she isn’t thinking about it, a “perfect” man walks in her life and because of his choice of or lack thereof of religion she lets him walk away. For that, I truly pity her because not everybody finds love and I think she missed out on something GREAT.