By Darrk Gable
How many times have you heard about a married couple who seemed to just be existing in their marriage? Neither spouse wants to separate, but it seems as if neither is willing to put in any effort to make it work. But why? The spark is gone, the fire and passion that they used to have no longer smolders; they are just done.
Do you wonder how they got like that? What actions were overlooked or not taken? What should’ve been said, but wasn’t? How could what (usually) started out as a thriving, prosperous marriage wind up as a relationship of necessity, where neither of the spouses are fulfilled?
Couples arrive at this stage in myriad ways. It could start off as a slow drifting apart. Maybe they planned on spending a day together, but one had to reschedule. Then it happened again, and again until neither knows when they stopped spending time together. Or perhaps an argument wasn’t resolved between them. The cause of the argument has almost been forgotten, but the emotional impact of whatever was said hasn’t been. Neither person has deemed it necessary to apologize, and the initial breakdown in communication has permeated the rest of their lives. So much so that, each asks themselves the question is the “Love Still Good?”
What is known for sure is that the breakdown isn’t healthy for either party. Both have settled into a rut and aren’t sure how to get out of it. When trying to climb out of the rut, they’ll try different things. However, this assumes that both spouses want to work on fixing what’s wrong. Maybe something as simple as a dedicated date night will get their relationship back on the mend. Perhaps the couple will need a vacation away from their lives (and yes,that includes the kids). More drastic measures may need to be taken, too. The most common one would probably be seeing a counselor. No matter the manner in which the healing process begins, the goal is to get the process started.
When it happens, a reconnection takes place. No, it’s not going to happen overnight; but if both spouses are committed to making the needed adjustments, they’ll see the changes. The “you’s and I’s” willl start formulating into “us”. What was once “his and her’s” turns back into “their’s”, “yours and mine” will become “ours”. All so the “we” is reformed, refashioned, and back together. Stronger than before.
January 28, 2015 //
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