By Enzinne Ukoha -madamenoire.com
Falling in love can be an awesome experience and it usually happens without much warning. You meet the most amazing guy who is attentive, respectful and loving. It’s a dream come true! But once you seal the deal under the sheets, you are left less than satisfied. All of a sudden your superman isn’t making you soar as high as you had imagined but you still adore him. You don’t want to let him go quite yet. You do what all girls do, you hold a conference call and discuss with your posse, and they assure you that the best is yet to come if you just hang in there. You agree, and decide to be as optimistic as possible. But after a couple of months, it’s clear that you most likely won’t ever experience the level of ecstasy that one assigns to the love of their life. What next?
Finding a guy who measures up to all of your expectations can be a tall order, so when you are lucky enough to stumble on “the one”, you are inclined to do everything to make it work. But can you really submit to someone who doesn’t quite fulfill you sexually or who doesn’t match your sexual prowess? I have a few friends who have encountered this dilemma and in all honesty it can be a challenging situation. One of them ended up cheating which wasn’t a total surprise. She was still friendly with her ex and they met up one night for drinks and headed straight to her apartment for a long overdue session. She admits that even though they are both sexually compatible, he is still not able to give her what she needs in the ways that really count. She is simply not able to give up her multiple orgasms even if it threatens her fragile bond with the man she truly cares for. At first I was her biggest critic. I labeled her “selfish” and “immature,” and made her feel guilty, but I did this out of love. I knew how much she wanted to settle down with the right partner and the guy she was seriously dating seemed like the right fit. Why would she yield to her unwavering sexual appetite and ruin her chances of happily ever after?
Then I became privy to a similar fate. I met this guy who was as close to perfection as I could ever imagine. We waited at least a month before “going there.” Our make out sessions were energetic enough to give me hope of what was to come. But the first night proved to be a dud. It was awkward, stilted and brief, and I was left confused but still hopeful. The first time can be weird and maybe it was my fault for allowing my imagination to run wild. But things didn’t improve. Despite our best intentions and hard work, I was left feeling empty and wishing for a drawer filled with over-powered dildos. I tried to convince myself that sex is just one aspect of a successful relationship. I wanted to embrace my future with this man because I knew he could potentially be a devoted husband and attentive father. But at the end of the day, our sexual issue was hard to ignore and we eventually broke up.
January 23, 2015 //
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