Throughout most of my life, I’ve often heard the phrase “you can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” Whether it’s Snoop screaming on tracks that “[he] don’t love these hoes” or Ludacris rapping about how “hoes are for everybody,” the message is clear: Men don’t want to date, marry, talk to, be seen or associated with hoes. For a minute, we’re going to ignore the immeasurable number of men (famous, infamous, and regular alike) who have found themselves in the same company of “these types” of women and focus on the crux of the problem. The reality is there are men who don’t want to “wife” a “hoe” because they never want to find themselves in a situation where their women’s sexual history will come back to haunt them.
First thing’s first, I used the word “hoe” in the last paragraph. For the purposes of this discussion, we’ll just say a hoe is a woman whose sexual morals don’t fit the same parameters as the man who wants to court her. Now that that’s out of the way, let me take you through a man’s worst nightmare and why potentially wifing up a woman with a questionable past is a terrifying endeavor.
Picture a group of about 10 men chilling in a random basement watching a football game. All the men are glued to the television, cheering on their respective teams, slapping fives and shooting the breeze about the kinds of things men like to talk about. During the game, a man (we’ll call him Greg) receives a phone call. Greg’s face lights up, as his girlfriend, Alicia, has called him up to tell him she bought a case of his favorite beer for the game. Greg is excited, and profusely thanks Alicia. Greg tells her how much he loves and cherishes her, how happy he is to have her in his life and he can’t wait to see her soon.
Sitting next to Greg is Steve, who overhears the conversation. Steve says to Greg, “what the hell are you so happy about?” Greg tells Steve, “nothing man. Just got off the phone with my girlfriend and she’s about to bring me some beers for the game.” Steve laments to Greg about how awesome his girlfriend is and Greg nods in agreement. All of a sudden the room falls silent and all the men turn around to look at Greg. From the back of the room, one of the men yell out “Alicia?” Greg affirmatively nods. Another man says, “Alicia…Stuart? From Queens?” Greg nods again, this time with a bit of nervousness setting in. Finally a third man says quietly, “you’re not talking about Alicia Stuart, a little light skin chick who used to work over at the cafeteria are you?” Greg begins to sweat as he nods slowly and all the men exchange the “look.” The look that says, “bro…I can’t believe that’s your girlfriend.”
That might not mean much to you reading it, but I encourage any of you doubting the terror in this scenario to speak with any man in your life and asks him how he’d feel about this situation. It’s a wildly uncomfortable situation for a man to find himself in and all that talk of “not loving hoes” has everything to do with not wanting to be the “Greg” in this situation.”
Personally, dating a woman with a past isn’t a huge issue. Saying that, however, comes with a few caveats. I have no issues with women who have a past, but I don’t want that past to interfere with our present. Meaning, whatever it is a woman used to do in her past life that might’ve been less than savory, I don’t want to hear about it from someone else. If my girlfriend used to be the talk of the town and got passed around to different guys like malt liquor on a hot summer’s day, that’s not something I care to know about her. I’m not one to make inquiries about my lady’s past sex life because I don’t care. She’s with me now. I know she’s not a virgin. I know I’m not the first person she’s ever put on a performance for. I know I’m not the first guy she did that little thing with her tongue to. I can handle that. What I can’t handle is sitting around a bunch of men talking about football and hearing snickers when my girlfriend’s name comes up…or any videos circling the internet.
In short, I can deal with a woman who had “hoe-like” tendencies in the past, but if I can help it, I’d rather not hear about it.
May 22, 2015 //
Three times #1 bestselling author and relationship master Hellen Chen has helped thousand...
May 19, 2015 //
By Rebecca Adams -Huff Post Women Academic studies can be fascinating... and totally confu...