Actress Niecy Nash has been doing a lot lately. The married mother of three is currently on the critically-acclaimed HBO show Getting On as geriatric nurse Didi Ortley in an elderly care home, playing the straight woman among a bunch of loony doctors and medical staff. She’s the only one who seems to be the least bit concerned with the welfare of her patients, and as such is often the warm, beating heart of the show.
Nash is a star on the rise, with movie and television series roles like the over-the-top Officer Raineesha Williams on Reno 911.
To be a constantly working Black actress in Hollywood is a feat in itself. Nash says its two things that made this happen:
“One is my faith. God has really been kind in terms of me always keeping a job. And the other part is to diversify. Sometimes we start in one thing and we stay in that one thing. But I always like to try things I’ve never done. Okay, I’m doing an unscripted comedy like ‘Reno 911!’ How about I go over here and try hosting a home makeover show? Maybe I can be a correspondent. Let me go over here to ‘Entertainment Tonight.’ I think I can dance a little bit, let me try to be a dancing star. Let me write a book. I’m an author. It’s just constantly finding ways to continue to put your art into the world.”
But it was her book on sex and relationships called It’s Hard to Fight Naked that really got people talking about her. In it, Nash simply stated that the secret to a happy marriage: one of them blowjobs. “A BJ a day keeps the divorce attorney away.”
After the critical acclaim and backlash from her statement, she explained the true meaning:
“When I wrote my book, I was sharing my advice and my experience based on my journey. I have a 65-year-old mother who said to me, ‘I have lived in this world for 65 years and I would have never written down what you wrote and I would have never written that book. But I lived long enough to know baby girl, that every word of it is true.’”
“Here’s the double dip on that question of finding the energy. I feel like I’m built to be a wife. I feel like in that, there’s a responsibility that comes with the job. No you don’t always want to get up and go to work, that’s why it’s called a “blow job.” But at the end of that two week period when you receive your payment for services rendered, you feel like, ‘Oh, I needed that. That came right on time.’ So there is a call on my life in my role as a wife to be of service. And in turn, my service is repaid by covering and protecting. So I’m not going to be without what I need on the other side of it because I’m also giving what is necessary for the relationship to have the reciprocity that it needs for us to both be fulfilled. So while I do have a family, I may not have to go into the kitchen because he knows I’ve been at work all day. So not only is he going to pick the baby up from school, he’s going to feed her and make sure he has something in the refrigerator for me too? Oh yeah, you about to get it when I get home.
There’s reciprocity in it. I’m not painting a picture of a woman who is just a martyr for the D-game. I’m not just going to live my life in service unto you, but what I am saying is that in the right relationship, being of service begets reciprocity of everybody’s needs being met…whatever they may be.”
So, what Nash is really saying is that she as a wife is a giver, but not in the sense that giving all of yourself just to please someone who doesn’t give back. But her giving inspires giving from her husband. So they are not in it 50/50, but 100/100.
Her advice actually reminds me of advice that a friend said that his father told him: “Whenever you’re in a heated argument with your wife and you’re at home, start getting undressed. After you get naked, only two things are going to happen: 1) she will start laughing or 2) you and her will start to get busy. Either way, the argument has stopped.”
In summary, the couple that comes together…ah, you know the rest.