Last week, the brothers spoke candidly with BlackDoctor.org about their perspective on holding the men in their circle accountable for their actions. The conversation sparked so much debate that we had to follow up with the female perspective to see what it’s like to be on the other side. We asked the women how they felt about the belief that men don’t hold one another accountable and also how they felt about their man’s choice in friends. Of course, the sisters had a lot to say. We hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did.
Koleta Smith, 26, Chicago, IL
I personally do not believe that men hold each other accountable and I am a witness to this. Men, in general, feel as though if the situation has nothing to do with them then they don’t feel the need to say anything. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen men shrug situations off and say “that’s his business” or “that’s a grown a** man”. I also believe that some men are scared to confront another man. I’m not exactly sure what they’re scared of, but in some situations I’ve witnessed, you can feel the fear in the air.
Issues never get solved if you handle them in that manner. This is why holding men accountable for their actions is important because how else are they going to know that what they’re doing is wrong? It is even more important for a man to do it, instead of women, due to the fact that men look up to one another. Even if he feels like his advice is not going to be received he should still speak up. They may not believe it but they are their brothers and women are affected by it daily.
Keita Hopton, 33, Houston TX
I think men struggle with holding each other accountable for their actions for many reasons. The first that comes to my mind is that they don’t want to lose credibility or allegiance with their boys. Granted, it takes a real man to call out another on their BS, but it also takes a certain type of man to accept it. Whenever you throw stones you have to be prepared for whatever comes back in your direction, and I think that is where the hesitancy comes into play. We all know nobody is perfect. However, if Ron doesn’t mention that his boy probably shouldn’t be getting numbers from other women while his fiancé is at home, Ron won’t have to hear about how he should probably stop lying to his girl about whatever he’s been lying to her about. It’s easier to keep quiet rather than to open yourself up to persecution.
My other thought is that men feel it’s not their business to get involved in other men’s issues. Maybe they think sometimes it’s best to keep quiet and just be a good friend. The sad part about that is that as a friend, it’s kind of your job to be that voice of reason and do what you can to make sure your friends shine. The five people you spend the most time with are a reflection of you, right? So, play your part and bring important things to the table when the opportunity calls for it.
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