It all begins with the first contact we have with a man and we ask ourselves, “does he like me?” However, at this point, men are on a completely different page, and this is helpful for women to understand.
- If he writes to you, calls you, talks to you, asks you out, or is sitting across the table from you — this means HE LIKES YOU! Generally, men don’t shop, they buy. They walk into a store and buy a shirt or a pair of shoes. They know what they want quickly and go for it.
- So, yes, he likes you. But he’s not sure you like him. This is also good for women to know, because he may treat the first date like a job interview. (He likes you, so he wants to impress you.)
Men are very clear that women are in the driver’s seat when it comes to relationships. Think of men as being the car. Women encourage them and they step on the gas. We let them know our boundaries and they step on the brake. When I tell my female coaching clients these facts, they usually don’t believe me. However, over time, the women start to understand that believing these facts is empowering.
Back to my first comment of “does he like me?” I tell my coaching clients that the first question they should ask instead is, “do I like him?” Remember… he already knows he likes you or he wouldn’t be there. So, how do you know if you like him? To figure this out, ask yourself:
- What traits do I like in men?
- What do I want and need from a relationship with a man?
- What traits do they have to have?
- What traits would be deal breakers?
- The answers to these questions start out with asking yourself:
- What’s important to me?
- What am I passionate about?
- What turns me on? What turns me off?
In my five years of coaching, I often ask new female coaching clients to define who they are (mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually) and what they bring to a relationship. Many women don’t really know because they haven’t thought about it. And when I ask them what they want and need in a man in these same categories, they often don’t know that either.
Here’s an important truth: Men fall in love with us when we’re being our authentic selves.
Have you ever had this experience? You meet a man and he makes your heart race, your body run hot, and your thoughts turn to mush? And then you start thinking you can’t talk about your true feelings around him, you can’t laugh, eat, and behave like the real you? Is it then a surprise when he ends up not attracted to you?