It’s that time of year again where you see family members that you haven’t seen since last year, and you get to not only share love and holiday cheer, but also update everyone on all that is or better yet isn’t taking place in your life. I wasn’t aware of it until it happened, but there is apparently a rule that once you hit your mid 20’s marriage and babies is all anyone wants to know about.
It’s like you hit 25 and nobody is interested in your career goals anymore! It’s all about your love interest and is it heading anywhere! Well I for one am sick of it! I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I can’t base my life on their timeline. That’s how poor decisions are made.
And since when is asking someone when they are going to get married or have kids not an invasion of privacy?! And if it isn’t enough for your friends and family to bombard you with these questions that you’d need a crystal ball to answer, there is absolutely nothing worse than a complete stranger doing it! BOUNDARIES people….it’s about boundaries! There are certain conversations that if you are NOT invited to have, you just don’t have them.
I am here to make a PSA for all those 25+ not married and child-free women out there who feel my pain. Putting someone on the spot about marriage and children is not only insulting, it’s uncomfortable! My parents remind me all the time that they want grandchildren and it’s as if they think if they keep saying it somehow I will turn into the next Virgin Mary and have a baby by the grace of GOD! Well this year I will not deal with the pressure and questions! These are my confessions:
1. I am not ready.
Simply put I am not ready. Just because I hit that age where everyone else is running down the aisle doesn’t mean that I am ready to or even want to. About a year ago I was practically engaged, and today I couldn’t even tell you where that person lives anymore. That right there is a scary thought. I am clearly not at a point where I am ready, or even prepared to make that type of life decision. Determining a husband should be taken very seriously and that type of pressure scares me. Until I feel comfortable that I know what I want, I can’t even fathom considering making that move. It’s hard enough for me to decide what I am going to eat for dinner, please let me just struggle with that for now.
2. My career is more important.
Let’s see. In the last five years I have lived in seven different cities, three different states and in two different time zones. I’ve pretty much become an expert at packing up and leaving in a heartbeat. I am at a point in my life where I am chasing my dreams and the love of my life is my career. I want to make something of myself and I need freedom in order to do that. Marriage and children require sacrifices and I am not ready to make my goals one of them. When opportunity calls I go for it with no questions asked, no one else to consider, nothing holding me back. It feels nice to know that I have that freedom.
3. I’ve seen and heard it all.
As happy as I am for everyone who has taken their lives to the next stage, I have had my eyes opened to what I like to call the reality after the honeymoon is over. After the celebrating and the family gatherings, and big hoopla wedding, it’s just you and the person you married, together. And as beautiful as that sounds, it’s a BIG DEAL. I think some people don’t take it as seriously as they should. I’ve seen folks my age run down the aisle and then run to the courtroom for a divorce just as quickly. Left and right I see the truth isn’t as rosy as it appears on social media. People really struggle through marriage. I’ve taken a dose of their reality checks and have decided I’d rather wait for it to be absolutely right, than just right for now.
4. I’m vain.
What can I say, I love my figure. Call me selfish, but I am not ready to watch my body transform from children. I am in my 20’s and still enjoy it. I already feel my metabolism digging its grave, so I want to revel in my natural beauty that I don’t have to work THAT hard for while I still can. I’ve watched enough live births on Youtube to know that there is no coming back from that! I don’t care what anyone says, without a bit of nip and tuck the gym can only do so much!
5. I just want to slow life down.
You ever wake up and think like wow…life is passing me by. Love means a lot to me and it’s one of those things that I feel like you really have to let marinate. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am in no rush. I want to learn to fall in love with my life, my career and myself over and over again before I devote the rest of my life learning how to continue to love someone else. It’s a big commitment and right now I am working hard enough to stay committed to myself!
Now don’t get me wrong, I have no qualms with marriage or having children, it just isn’t where I’m at on my life’s timeline. I just want more people to respect that. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m only 26. Life is truly just beginning. I can’t get caught up on what point other people are at in their lives or where other people want me to be at in mine. I just have to continue to do me and what’s best for me.