**Please Note: “What He Said” is a series designed to get feedback directly from a male’s point of view. Thoughts and opinions of “What He Said” panelists do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackDoctor.org**
So, you’ve been dating awhile and you’re getting that itch. You’re thinking that he may propose any time now, but he hasn’t. But you’re going to give him time, right? Well, how much time? It’s important to know because he may not even propose at all. Yeah, I said it. How do I know? Because I was that guy.
I was the serial monogamous type of guy. I met ALL of my past women’s mothers and families–even my side pieces, because I was able to transform into the guy that they wanted. But I ended up letting them all go and married only one.
So now, I just go around the country trying to share with women what they could be doing wrong and what their men is REALLY thinking. No Steve Harvey stuff. No relationship guru. Just a man who has loved, and broken more than his fair share of hearts and now trying to use his powers for good.
Here’s how to tell that he will NEVER marry you, but this list is a little different than other lists you see. This list is what you do as women that make him rethink popping the question. Ok, here goes:
1. You let him do anything – As a man, if we know we can get away with it, we will try it. And then try to push the envelope to try it again. It’s really up to the woman to put some parameters, not constraints. No real man likes to be told what he can or cannot do, but offering it up in a way that says something like “if you do this, I don’t know if I can be with you” or “if you do that, I may have to do it too” is more of a pill a man can take. If you let him do anything you’re going to be his “anything” girl, and not his wife.
You can trust a man and give him parameters. As long as he shares with you what he did or is doing, you don’t have to blow his phone up while he’s gone to “check on him”. Just watch, if you act like you have a life too outside of checking up on him, most men will make it their duty to check in with his woman on his own.
2. You put too much emphasis on social media – Women, listen to me when I tell you this…who gives a flying fart that he “liked” a pic on Instagram of some big booty girl? Nine times out of 10, he probably likes big booties — and there is nothing wrong with that. But then when you start nit-picking over every little thing he does on social media and you’re not even his wife, the countdown to putting you in the “She’s Always Tripping” box has already started.
Let’s be real, if you’re snooping around his social media and emails, you have bigger fish to fry. Are you snooping because he did something previously? Or are you snooping because some other man did something before him and you want to make sure he doesn’t do it too? Newsflash Ladies: He’s NOT the other guy! If this is a guy you really want to spend the rest of your life with, what is your point in checking him telling him to delete this person or that person? If he wants to be with you, he will do it himself. Nagging him will push him to keep in contact with those people just to spite you. It’s stupid, I know, but men can be petty sometimes too.
Moral of the story: pick your battles so you can win the war.
3. You automatically assume the negative – (*sigh*) This goes on with TOO many women I talk to. We all make assumptions from time to time, but why does it always have to be bad when you think of him? When something happens you automatically assume the worse and let it be known to him about “what he did” before he can even say a word. Try something different for a change, assume the positive. Think of good things that he could be doing when he’s not with you. Assume the beauty in him instead of the dark side. Then voice those good assumptions to him. Only two things will happen when you do:
1. He will be pleasantly surprised and begin to actually do those things you mentioned…
2. He will step aside and let another man in because he really has been doing bad stuff and will think you’re too much of a good girl for him.
4. You don’t apologize – Wooooo! This one is hard for a lot of women and men. Listen, we all aren’t right 100% of the time, if you are wrong and get found out that you are wrong but don’t even offer up a sincere apology for it, he’s wondering if this is the kind of woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. A simple apology lets a man know that (1) you are human. No man wants a know-it-all woman, especially one who puts it in his face that she knows it all. And (2) shows that you care enough about him and his feelings to be the bigger person and admit your wrongs. Offer him a kiss, cook him a dinner…something to let him know you are sorry along with your apology. It goes a long way–trust me.
5. You don’t recognize his effort – Ladies, ladies, ladies…a real man will make an effort for you, in more ways than one. He will make an effort financially, socially, and even spiritually if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. But if those small efforts aren’t even recognized, he’s thinking in the back of his head, why am I even putting in effort if I won’t get anything in return?
You know your man, right? Find a way to celebrate him, not just on father’s day, NOT just on his birthday, but just some random day to celebrate HIM. If he’s truly a great guy like you think he is, don’t lose him just because of your stubbornness to always make it about you. If he’s making an effort in a certain area, tell him, show him that you appreciate him. I don’t want to tell you how many times, MARRIED MEN who cheat express that their main reason is that the woman doesn’t appreciate him anymore. Don’t just think about you, think of both of you.
Well, this is just part one. There’s more truth to this than you know. After all is said and done and you gave it your all, then maybe that guy isn’t the one for you anyway. Just be the best woman you can be and “the one” will find you.