What are things that people can do to prepare themselves for conversations with people on the other end of the political spectrum?
It is important to become calm and centered so that you can continue to make good choices through the conversation. Here are a few tactics that have proven to be helpful.
- Fill you heart and mind up with compassion for them by thinking about a pleasant moment you had with them or some quality of theirs that you like.
- Consciously tell yourself that you are not going to change their minds in one conversation.
- Prepare to use a relaxation method that you can have practiced if the conversation gets stressful – like going to the bathroom and taking some deep breaths or imagining being in your favorite relaxing place.
Are there any things that a person can do to help their conversation partner get ready for a good conversation?
Yes. There are a few things you can say to your conversation partner that them that are very useful in helping them get in the mindset needed for a good conversation.
- If you are even a little nervous about the conversation, admit it; speak to the fact that you are also hopeful because you care about your conversation partner and you also want to be reminded that Americans who disagree can have a good conversation. Bringing up your nervousness will make most people want to behave in ways that ally your fears, which means being less argumentative.
- Say out loud that that you know that neither of you is likely to change each other’s mind, but you are confident that the two of you can have a good conversation anyway.
- Tell them that your goal is not to change them but rather to understand them. Further, tell that that you are likely to ask them questions about their experiences related to politics, because you know that storytelling works better than facts for helping people feel connected.
Are there any topics that people should take are to avoid?
An important method of having a good conversation between people who disagree politically is to transform the conversation from an exchange of opinions into the sharing of stories. However, there are some political issues around which there is deep disagreement but that are not well-suited for storytelling. The three most prominent examples are:
- Was the election stolen?
- What should the events of Jan. 6 be called?
- Is Donald Trump a good president?
Polling data shows that there are deep divisions in the public about all of these topics. more importantly, there are not easy ways to turn these topics into exchanges based on personal experiences. Thus, try to avoid these issues.
What do you do when one of these tough topics come up? Are there ways to get the conversation back on track?
It is OK to say that you want to stay with issues that tend be more fruitful. One way to do that is to remind the person that you care about your connection with them, and that you don’t want to have an unproductive argument. As a result, you would like to keep your conversation topics that highlight personal experiences that relate to how each of you feel about politics.
Usually, people will positively respond to your verbally raising the fact that you want both of you to conduct yourself in ways that protect your sense of connection.
What political topics are suitable for having experience-based conversation?
The following topics should be relatively safe to discuss because there is a lot of agreement on them AND they are well suited to mutual storytelling.
Political Polarization
About 82% of people think that political polarization is a major problem for the country. To create an experience question about polarization, consider asking; “Have you had any direct experiences recently that illustrate the polarization problem in the country?”
If they answer your question, they very well may talk about seeing or receiving bad behavior by people who agree with you politically. Even if your partner also engaged in obnoxious behavior, do not defend the other side. Instead, let your conversation partner finish their story, commiserate with them about how unfortunate our country’s hype-partisanship is, and tell your story about bad behavior you have seen or that has been directed at you.
Extremism
The January 6 rally on the Ellipse and the disturbance at the Capitol had a relatively high population of neo-Nazis and white supremacists, and other people with opinions that are usually considered extreme. Most Americans are opposed to these ideologies. To turn extremism into an experience conversation, consider asking: What feelings do you have when you see folks with white supremacist and anti-semitic views at rallies like this?
Regardless of whether they lean to the political left or the political right, overwhelming portions of Americans find these views repugnant. Thus, talking about your experience of reacting to media images of these people can be a connecting experience.
Jan 6 and Personal Responsibility
Most people were shocked to see the way the protest on the Ellipse evolved into the violent activity at the Capitol. To turn this topic into an experience focused discussion, consider asking this two-part question: 1) When you see images from the rioting at the Capitol, what feelings do/did you have? 2) What do you think should happen with those people, who say they are driven by a sense of patriotism.
Polling data shows that 91 percent of Americans think that the rioters should be held responsible for their actions. Talking for a few minutes about what should happen to the people who broke laws can provide a moment of commonality between you are your conversation partners.
ABOUT DR. DAVID CAMPT
DAVID W. CAMPT, Ph.D., Principal of The Dialogue Company, is a nationally renowned speaker and facilitator with 25 years of experience helping people talk about difficult things. Dr. Campt teaches strategies for changing attitudes, behavior, and group culture through dialogue. His speaking engagements have included a wide array of clients, including top corporations (e.g Ford Motor Company, Booz Allen, Silicon Graphics), non-profit organizations (e.g. NAACP, Kellogg Foundation, AFSCME), government (e.g. US Coast Guard, The White House, US Navy), and prestigious universities (e.g. Princeton University, American University, Denison University). Dr. Campt helps groups focus on a variety of topics including strategic planning, conflict resolution, creating more inclusive decision-making, leadership succession, cultural competence, and many others. He uses a neuroscience and compassion-based approach to teach audiences to make new choices so that more people’s insights are honored, relationships are improved, and collective goals are more effectively pursued.
Often referred to as the “White People Whisperer,” he is a national expert in the areas of inclusion and equity, cultural competence, and intergroup dialogue. Through The Dialogue Company, Dr. Campt empowers individuals and organization to skillfully access their own experience and use them as powerful stories to build a better world. Dr. Campt is founder of a project called the Ally Conversation Toolkit (ACT), which has engaged thousands of people in person and on line. He has published four workbooks including the White Ally Toolkit Workbook (a comprehensive guide for allies to effectively engage in anti-racism dialogue), Discussion Group Leaders Guide (a supplement for the workbook), the Compassionate Warrior Boot Camp for White Allies, and Equipping Antiracism Allies.
He is the author of a number of books including The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subject (2007) and Read the Room for Real: How A Simple Technology Creates Better Meetings (2015) and Compassion Transforms Contempt: A Black Dialogue Expert’s Advice for White Progressives on Down-Revving Anger, Creating Connections…and Maybe Changing the World (May 2020),which gives White progressives guidance about how to most effectively talk about the 2020 election.
Dr. Campt has a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science from Princeton University, and a Master’s degree in public policy from UC Berkeley. His doctoral studies were also completed at UC Berkeley’s urban planning department where his dissertation focused on ways that social service administrators can modify their organizations to make them more responsive to the cultural realities of African-American populations.