What do Love & Hip Hop’s Tahiry Jose and Single Ladies’ Laz Alonso have in common? Nothing. However, when we caught up with these to beautiful brown stars, we couldn’t help but ask them some burning questions we’ve had about love and relationships.
We had no idea we were in store for so much insight! We gabbed about soulmates, being in your significant other’s friends and should you or should you not follow your signifcant other on social media. Check out what they had to say!
HelloBeautiful: What do you think about men in their significant other’s drama with their significant other’s friends?
Laz Alonso: I think that’s a No, No. There’s something that we affectionately all know as bedroom talk. I think it’s ok to share with your significant other drama that some of your friends may be going through, but I think you should stay out of it because the problem with that is if you step in too deep in your significant other’s friend’s drama, then it’s gonna create a situation where now your significant other may have to step in to defend you.
Your significant other’s friend is not your friend. I have a license to step into my friend’s drama because it’s my friend and I have a certain past or a certain line that we’ve established in our friendship that I know I can’t cross. But, when it comes to your significant other, they have their own line and there own language and their own language and agreement they have with their friends and I think that may not necessarily be the thing that you have with your friends. So, you can’t forget that and, at times, you can put your significant other in situations and they have to bail you out or bail themselves out of and that can mess up the whole friendship.
Tahiry Jose: That’s a female trait. Men have no business being a part of that. I don’t understand it. Stop. Yeah, it’s absolutely a no-no. That’s a female tendency and real girly girl sh*t.
I get the whole loyalty thing. But, you busy bringing back and forth gossip or sitting there talking about, “girllll.” Like, we’re not keekeeing. That is not cool. It has to be a mutual attraction. It’s also up to the individual. I have friends who’ve come onto me and all I had to offer was a friendship and they’ve had to deal with that throughout the years and there’s a mutual respect and they’re gone onto relationships and I respect their relationship and they respect me.
HB: What do you think about married couples having friends of the opposite sex?
LA: The foundation of marriage is trust. There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. We’re in a world where, you’re constantly gonna come into contact with the opposite sex. The success or failure of your marriage can’t come from avoiding that. It comes from putting each other first at all times. As long as your husband or wife never feels second to that person, never feels like they are excluded from some kind of inner joke or language that exists between them, I think it’s fine to have that type of friendship.
I think at the point it becomes dangerous is if those to have some type of conversation that the husband and wife is excluded from. If there’s a language that they share or inner jokes or a little talk that this person is not privy to, than it could create the situation where insecurities might come up and you’re goal is to always make sure that your significant other knows that they’re a significant other for a reason. That they are the one and there’s nothing that they’re excluded from, so that’s my opinion.
TJ: That’s kind of tricky. I think there’s a fine line because I think every one of my male friends wants to sleep with me. I kind of feel that way. I’m not that naive because people have checked me on it. But, I do have a lot of male friends because it’s up to the individual to put your foot down on a situation. But, Joey has a lot of female friends and I think you’ll know it’s ok when you’re actually able to break bread with both of them in the same room if there’s no more than just a friendship.
Women can tell body language, we can sense it. We have that female intuition that that is not a friendship. I have guy friends. I’ve had guy friends for over 10 years and I respect their girlfriends and you can tell we’re friends. So, it’s kind of sticky. You’d have to analyze that situation a little more. Go out to dinner with them, hang out with them and see how you feel about that. If you’re gut tells you that it could be something more, if it’s not sitting right, then it’s not right.
HB: Should people follow their significant others on social media?
LA: I have found it to be much more peaceful when I don’t follow my significant other on social media. Matter of fact, if I were to start dating someone or were interested in someone and I’m already following them, I unfollow them. I feel like it adds so much noise to the relationship. It adds something else that you have to interpret and especially in arguments and people start subliminally tweeting and speaking from a place of anger at the moment, I just feel that the simpler, the better.
It’s hard enough just to communicate verbally. A lot of times people will say, you can’t really understand the context of a text, you might misread a text that might sound more harsh than it was intended to be. The same thing goes with social media. A lot of times, you can’t tell if it’s a joke or it’s serious. So, the best way to do it is to just stay out of it, especially if they’re in the public eye, they’re gonna have fans and they’re gonna have people flirting with them and they’re gonna have to flirt back at times. It would be more peaceful to just stay out of the conversation all together and in my life, it’s a lot better that way.
TJ: At one point I did, but I had to unfollow him. It was either that or a court case or something. I unfollowed him because I was gonna have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in jail or something, so I had to unfollow him. You have to be really strong to be on social media and follow your partner. Have that strong foundation built because it’s kind of like reading a text. Many times you picking up that phone and speaking is better than reading a text because it’s all about interpretation. That goes with reality TV shows too. You have to have a strong foundation and that strong relationship in order to be able to do that because social media is so crazy. Now, you don’t even need a pen and a pad to back somebody, you can just straight DM ‘em. They could be on the other side of the globe, you know what I’m saying? You get them crazy fans, crazy stalkers. Maybe back them, I would’ve engaged them back and forth, but today, I wouldn’t. It’s not worth it.
It’s not worth it. Now, I would back him upside the head with a phone. He would definitely be eating an iPhone at home if that’s the case. But, I wouldn’t go back and forth with the female because I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. If anything, he needs to tame themselves. Fans are fans. Fans say a thousand things. You have to know who you’re involved with, he’s a rapper. You’re gonna get a lot of that. He was, he is, I’m just not with him.
HB: How do you feel about your single friends giving you relationship advice when you’re in a relationship?
LA: I don’t have a problem with that. I encourage advice from anybody that I love and trust. I feel like it shows they’re concerned and you never know where wisdom is gonna come from. You don’t have to necessarily be married to give advice to your friends about what he or she might be going through at that time. Human love and connection and caring for the person you’re giving the advice to, as long as it’s coming from a good place, to me, in my opinion, is what’s important. Whether or not, you can do that. You look at coaches. Coaches may not necessarily be able to play the game. Phil Jackson was never as good as Michael Jackson on the court. But, he coached him to be the best Michael Jordan he could be. Sometimes, you never know where knowledge is gonna come from. You just have to be willing to receive it and decided whether or not you’re going to follow it.
TJ: Yes. I believe that even if they’re single, they had to have some kind of experience. I’m single now and you guys have already seen what I’ve been through. I can give some sound advice, just because I’m single, doesn’t mean anything. The one thing you don’t do is hate ‘cause that’s why you’re single. Somebody being single can still give you good advice.
HB: Do you believe in soulmates? Why or Why not?
LA: I definitely believe in soulmates because I believe that we do have a partner in this world that when we meet them will makes our lives more complete and make this journey an easier journey together. Without a doubt, I do believe that we do have soulmates. I believe that we have to be open when it comes to finding out soulmates. We can’t just look in the same jar or in the same city. You never know, you’re soul mate might be in a different city or a different country or a different part of the world. We’ve found that people have found soulmates in different ethnicities or races. You can’t be so locked in because, if you think about a soul, our body is housing that soul, but it’s just a house. That’s all it is. So, we have to be cognizant that when we use the word ‘soul,’ it means inside the body, not just the physical aspect of the body and you have to remain open to what that might bring.
I think it’s funny because people have romanticized this idea of a soulmate as to the perfect connection and I don’t necessarily think a soulmate means that it’s the perfect connection because what a soulmate really is is a piece of you that is different from you because you both are supposed to come together and complete as a whole. A whole is never a mirror image of each other, it’s the opposite. So, your soulmate might not necessarily mirror you. It might be something that you don’t like or somebody that is the opposite of you completely. A lot of the time, we look for the person that mirrors us 100 percent completely. I’m not saying that’s wrong to do. That might not necessarily be your soul mate. Your soul mate may be someone that’s different from you, but compliments you the best and together you create a complete person. That’s just an idea.
TJ: I believe there is a person for everybody. I do believe that you know there’s always this one person in life that captures your soul and there’s a few people that come around that steal your heart. But, there’s always that one person that has your being. Your inside, your soul. I do believe that. There’s different kinds of love. I believe in soulmates.
HB: Do you think you’ve found your soulmate yet?
LA: No comment.
TJ: I don’t know. I’m gonna be honest. I thought I did at one point, but I don’t know now.