Giselle Fonteyn –Hellobeautiful
A song once told me that if I couldn’t be with the one I loved, then I must love the one I’m with. I’d always abhorred the idea. I didn’t understand how one could settle in a life experience that is so vital to our existence. I felt that if my love was strong enough for someone, that love would defy the odds and the universe would create a path for us to be with each other. But even love has its limits. The universe strings together events and circumstances that conflict with what we want and that are out of our control. Today, I devote myself not to the man who quakes the rhythm in my chest or whose memory haunts me with every step, but to the man who has loved me when no other man would.
I don’t remember when it started. But the dreams have followed me for months, every other minute, every other hour. Dreams of sitting across from him at the dinner table or beside him at the bar—our conversations filled with trivial, humorous exchanges and long, knowing glances. Dreams of adjusting his tie and kissing his dark, chiseled chin in stolen moments away from mutual friends. Dreams of lying on top of his body in a swirl of white Egyptian cotton, our chests rising and falling against each other after swift and lush throws under a muted Sunday sun. His image arrests me, and I’m angry and ashamed that I can’t shake him from my thoughts.
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