Posted by -theFrisky.com
There are many reasons why men don’t necessarily know what women really like in bed. The most important: a lack of access to real information. Movies oversimplify sex by not really showing what happens in the sack, pornography is just, well, pornography, and “Talk Sex With Sue Johanson” is off the air. Aside from that, us ladies are pretty confused as well. Some of us are unaware of what our bodies really like and others don’t want to speak up out of fear that our partner’s feelings will get hurt. So where do men have to turn to get some real info? Well, not too many places. For that reason, The Frisky has compiled this list of essential tips for men to help them be better lovers. This is just a beginners’ guide, so stay tuned for more!
1. It’s okay to not know what the hell you are doing — more than likely, no one ever taught you. Many societies have dedicated entire schools of learning to the art of sex and sexual pleasure, culminating in books like India’s famous Kama Sutra. Sadly, puritanical Western society is a bit less instructive and real talk about the act is usually absent from brief sex-education classes. That means collectively, we have learned less about sex than, well, just about anything else, even boring math equations that will likely never be used in real life. So stop pretended like you graduated from sex college with a doctorate, when you have barely made it through kindergarten.
2. Speak up and ask questions. Both men and women usually act like five-year-olds when the topic of sex arises. We have all been socialized to shy away from necessary conversations about our likes, dislikes and sexual interests (especially if they are a little taboo). Men especially have been socialized to be stoic and to pretend that they are in control of the situation, despite feeling confused at times. This makes sex a very confusing interaction for most people, where mixed-signals are sent leaving too much space for miscommunication. Be open with your partner and encourage her to be open with you. Verbalize the things you want to do to your partner and the things you partner want to do with you, even if it is uncomfortable to say or hear at first.
3. A strong, firm grasp tells her that you are confident. A firm handshake tells acquaintances that you mean business: a firm grasp tells a woman that you know what you are confident what you are going to do to her will blow her mind. As things start to heat up, grab your lady by the crevice on the back of her neck as you kiss her. Always use your hands to firmly hold her during every stage of sex including foreplay, oral sex and penetration. But just as it is necessary to practice the strength used with a handshake, do the same with your sex grasp.
4. Even the Bible has a great sex tip: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Reciprocity and mutual respect is the key to building a safe, comfortable space where sex can be enjoyed. No one should expect sexual favors, like oral sex, anal sex or anal play, without being open to receiving and giving. It is very difficult to understand the complexities of the human body or give pleasure without the willingness to explore and be explored. Yes, in plain words, I am saying if you want to play with a woman’s butt, you should be open to having your own played with.
5. Most men do not really last that long, so don’t count on intercourse as the only route to her pleasure. According to a national survey, American men ejaculate within 2-7 minutes on average. Since it is recommended that sex (foreplay, oral and intercourse) last for up to 30 minutes in order for a woman to climax, that means you dudes should be ready to spend ample time caressing, kissing, licking, sucking and whatever other techniques your lady enjoys before even attempting to initiate intercourse. Sorry to break it to you guys, but that 2-7 minutes just doesn’t cut it for us ladies.
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