If we could all walk into a party and booty wave like Beyonce, working the room at a holiday party would be NBD. And although we might not all look, sound, or dance like her, we can all take a cue from Queen Bey’s self-confidence. The key to being a good flirt is to do so unapologetically, effortlessly, and in the most authentic way possible. There’s no one way to flirt; in fact, the best ways incorporate your own personal quirks with some tried and true sex appeal to really get the ball rolling. We all know you need to lock eyes, smize (don’t know how? There’s an app for that.) and then look away. But for those of us who need to step our game up this season, here are 7 dos and don’ts of flirting.
7. Steal the spotlight. This move is not for wallflowers (though you aren’t relegated to wallflower status for life). The only thing that separates the thunder-stealing life of the party from the rest of us is that she doesn’t care what other people think about her. The result is super sexy. So why not give it a try? All eyes will be on you. For inspiration, check out Maria Menounos performing “Santa Baby” on a recent episode of The Mindy Project.
6. Approach a group of people mid-chat. This move can be tricky, and the last thing you want to do is recall memories of being dissed by the cool crew in the school cafeteria. But, if you pull it off, you are boss, and demonstrate the keen confidence of infiltrating a clique. Anyone is lying if she says it’s not frightening to approach a group of people mid-chat and chime in. The trick is to be bold and announce you are doing exactly that. Try saying something like, “I’m eavesdropping, but I couldn’t resist saying, I totally agree with…” and then add your two cents. Commit to the group for at least a cocktail, otherwise you will look rude. And be sure to engage others — not just your crush — in the group.
5. Be savvy about how you offer compliments. You never want to give an insincere compliment. So choose your compliments wisely and really mean them. One way to make certain you appear genuine is to forgo the “I like/love” introduction to the compliment. Instead, make a declaration, and the more specific, the better. For example, rather than saying, “I love your eyes,” try: “Your eyes are intriguing.” Then, spark a conversation that shows you are invested and interested in what you are complimenting. “What color are they? Violet? Gray? I feel like we’re in an Edith Wharton novel.” (Hey, I’m a writer.)
4. Never flirt with someone else’s partner. Okay, mistakes happen. Sometimes it’s unclear if two people are together or… not. But when you are sure someone is spoken for, keep it moving and get your flirt on with someone else. Flirting is a delicate dance, and while you’re coyly demanding attention, you can still be a lady. No one wants to be with someone who’s addicted to attention. And though flirting can be harmless and you might be flattered when someone flirts with your partner, not everyone shares this sentiment.
3. Get him or her to make the first move. This might seem a little manipulative, but, I prefer to think of it as strategic. Approaching your crush head-on may be too bold for you. But there are ways you can “insert” yourself, make yourself visible and have him or her approach you. Because I’m naturally clumsy, (maladroit, if feeling sexy) I’ve literally bumped into a handsome stranger and made it work for me. Though I’ve never had the stones to intentionally try this maneuver, I think it’s a good one! The key is to be able to read social cues and know when to make your move. Just be sure that when you strike, you do so deliberately, even if your move is seemingly not so. In other words, go all in and commit to your strategy.
2. Do not rely on alcohol, your friend, or smart phone to do your bidding. Flirting is fun, so enjoy it. You cannot if you employ any of the above three methods. Plus, you’ll end up looking lame.
1. Do you. There’s a reason this is the #1 tip to being a good flirt: because the things that make you who you are ring true. We all have our signature moves — leaning in close, talking with a faux British accent, spraying our hair with perfume, touching a person gently on the arm, admitting to flirting while flirting. These are the classic rituals of courtship that send our crushes the message that we are open for possibilities. Embrace them in all their glorious silliness or ferocity, and remember to put yourself out there. The worst that happens is that he or she rejects you. I promise you — you’ll survive.