Adolescence So many times, we’ve heard our growing children say, “I can do what I want,” “You can’t tell me what to do” and even, “I’m not a kid anymore.” Normally, this type of rejected behavior can come off as rude, disrespectful or belligerent, but is it really?
Honestly, what can a parent do when their child has reached the age of independence and self-appreciation?
How are parents supposed to react when their children begin to evolve into young adults?
From birth to the age of about 8 or 9, there is a type of parenting that is necessary for healthy development. This type of parenting is known as attachment parenting.
Attachment parenting is when parents hold their child close for reliance on a secure dependence to be established. However, when the youth get into their teen years, an overwhelming sense of independence begins to be on the rise.
Feeling empowered by this “coming of age,” children in their teen years begin to have a new take on life. Their social, physical and economic perspectives and entitlements bring them to a point where they are nothing less than ready and excited to mark this new climax in their life that brings them freedom.
This is known as adolescent detachment. Detachment is not necessarily a terrible thing, but it can be if communication between parent and teen cease.
Unlike attachment parenting, detachment parenting is necessary between the ages of 9 and 13.
As preteens grow into teens, it is lucrative to practice being a detached parent. This doesn’t mean, pay them no mind or disregard them as individuals. Detachment parenting and detached adolescence consists of understanding and allowing your teen to always feel a sense of independence, as well as self-identity.
Adequate parental detachment during this time promotes an over abundant supply of individuality, creative responses, and the urge for your teen to have a sense of responsibility for self.
Separation from parents during adolescence entails the omitting of childish dependencies and predetermined depictions of their parents.
Naturally, any kind of “rejection” feels very bad, but once you’ve reached this stage with your teen, it may help if the thought of being rejected didn’t come to mind.
Just like when you were growing up and you saw your friends and even family members venture more into the stage of independence, think about how you felt and how you wanted to be treated.
You wanted your parents to trust that you can make smart decisions on your own. You may have even wanted a little more space than what was being given.
Detachment is a healthy way to allow your child to grow into who and what they long to be.
I remember feeling like I couldn’t express myself without running into conflict with my parents. I also remember feeling like I was often misunderstood. That feeling is not so good and as an adult, the interest of feeling that way again is slim to none.
So remember, during the times of attached parenting and attached adolescence with your child, you want to be “overly involved,” active and in control.
However, as the years go by and your child begins to grow, let them. Trust that your beginning years will pay off and always keep the line of communication open.
—Paishance Welch
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