Over the weekend I felt led to make a few statuses about forgiveness on social media. I expressed the need to forgive others no matter how bad they have wronged you.
I wrote, “Forgive your mother. Forgive your father. Forgive your brother. Forgive your sister. Forgive your uncle. Forgive your aunt. Forgive your cousin. Forgive your friend. Forgive your ex. Forgive yourself. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.”
To my surprise, many people responded and reacted to the status. Many people shared it. Some even decided to inbox me about their situations that they feel are just too hard to let go. There was a young lady who told me she can’t forgive her parents because what they did was unforgivable. Another stated that her parents continue to hurt her over and over.
While hearing about these raw emotions when it comes to forgiving, knowing people personally who have trouble forgiving, and having had to forgive many people in my life that have hurt me deeply, I felt the need to expound on this topic of discussion.
Forgiveness is tough to do at times, but so necessary. To forgive, by definition, means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. It means to excuse a person of their actions or let a previous situation go. Yes, it is true, some people do things that are incredible wrong. They do things intentionally. For many however, the way that they wronged you was nearly a mirrored reflection of the way they feel about themselves.
Sometimes people do you wrong because that’s what they were taught to do, that’s all they know, or that’s what they saw growing up. Some people do you wrong because of jealousy or envy, but that’s a personal problem. Some people do you wrong because they were done wrong in the past. Hurt people truly do hurt other people.
Regardless of the reason, the truth is, forgiving others is for you. When you have un-forgiveness in your heart it only holds you back from your greatest potential. Think about it. Let’s say you are at work, maybe sitting down with a client, getting ready to close a deal. You’re going through paperwork and all of a sudden, you look up and see an ex boyfriend/girlfriend who you truly haven’t forgiven yet. You try your hardest to continue just as you were with your client, however, it has become hard to focus. You’re trying to get your work done but since you saw their face, your emotions are on the rise and you were triggered to think of all the things they’ve done wrong to you.
Or maybe it’s your mother or father that did you wrong. Because of the things they’ve done to you, you’ve decided to separate from them in hopes to never speak to them again. Somehow someway they pop of at your cousins Thanksgiving dinner and your body begins to cringe. You want to move around because the last thing you want is to be in the same room with them.
These are signs that you haven’t forgiven. While the other party may have been just fine with seeing you, you were distracted and wanted to move around to avoid the entire situation. While sometimes the smartest thing to do is to move around to avoid conflict, the best thing to do is to forgive.
In this life, people are going to hurt you at some point or another. Whether it’s a friend that has betrayed you or a family member that did some inappropriate things to you growing up, forgiveness is necessary.
Forgiveness allows you to stand firm in who you are. It allows you to be free. It boosts your self esteem. It let’s you know the truth. It gives you the chance to realize that you didn’t deserve it. It helps you to mature. It makes you wiser in your decision making. It heals you.
A lot of times un-forgiveness keeps you mentally bound and controlled. That’s why forgiving others is for you, not them. Even on a spiritual level. If we want forgiveness, we must learn to give it, even if it’s not deserved.
So learn to forgive. Forgive everyone you know for the wrong they’ve done. Remember, you’re human and one day someone is going to need to forgive you. Pay it forward!
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