marriage

“God Brought Us Together”: Angela Bassett & Courtney B. Vance Celebrate 19 Years Of Marriage

October 14, 2016 By MCJStaff Leave a Comment

courtney-instagram

One can hardly believe that it’s been 19 years since the Hollywood power couple tied the knot. With the divorce rate in upwards of 50% in the United States, this loving couple does what it takes to keep it together. No one knows this better than Courtney B. Vance, as he says it was harder to ask Angela if she liked him than it was to ask her to marry him.

The college sweethearts met while students at the Yale School of Drama. In the beginning they weren’t lovers, just friends, as they recall, “the best of friends.” For nearly 14 years they ran in the same collegiate circle and their bond grew deeper and eventually blossomed into a love that neither of them could deny.

After graduation, on October 12, 1997, Angela married Courtney and they began the next phase in their lives together as one. As both their careers began to take off, the couple was blessed with two little miracles – twins born via surrogate after years of trying to conceive.

Despite the pressures of Hollywood they both make time for one thing: their love for God.

“God brought me an angel, a rare ruby,” Courtney admits. “And I don’t know where I’d be without her. I didn’t grow up in the church or in the bible. Nobody taught me how to be married or how to really love a wife. I’ve learned that the Lord wants a relationship with you, me, and with all of us. I had to learn that when the Queen is happy, the land is happy. The man may be the head, but the head doesn’t go anywhere without the neck telling it which way to turn it.

“I’ve learned that the Lord is first and that my wife is the most important thing on this earth. The decisions in our marriage aren’t easier, but they are clearer because of our relationship with God,” says Courtney.

“God brought me a husband who loves me,” Angela gushes. “But it is because I have a relationship with God, I can have a better relationship with my husband.”

When asked what the key to a long marriage is, Angela quickly chimed in.

“Respect and negotiation,” exclaimed Bassett. “I want what I want, he wants what he wants and sometimes they’re not he same, but we’ve learned how to negotiate to make each other happy and fulfill out dreams and desires.”

(Photo credit: Black Love)

“He [Courtney] makes me a better person,” confesses Bassett. “He lets me be me and do me. He is a great support person for anyone.”

For more on couples like this, click here.

6 Things To Know About Infidelity

October 12, 2016 By MCJStaff Leave a Comment

Man Having Argument With Woman

Dr. James Wadley –Blackdoctor.org

I was invited to speak on the radio recently in Philadelphia about infidelity and how couples can restore intimacy in their relationships. As you can imagine, there were a number of callers who offered sentiments about relationship survival, severance or trauma endured. Given the candidness of the discussion, I thought it would be helpful to write about this sensitive issue that affects many relationships and families.

1. What is infidelity?

Infidelity happens when two parties have made an explicit (e.g., “We are going to be emotionally and sexually monogamous,” or “We are together,”) or implicit (e.g., We kissed, had sex, shared secrets, spent time with each other’s family, etc. but the relationship status was not discussed) agreement to not engage in the same behavior or emotional interaction with another person. When the agreement is severed by one or both parties, any transaction with another person is expected to be disclosed or maintained a secret (contingent upon one’s value system regarding truth, honesty, disclosure, etc.).

Infidelity is individually constructed and relative to the person. In other words, there are many perspectives about what cheating is/is not, what infidelity means to the relationship, and whether or not it is a “deal breaker.” So for example, you may believe that a person cheats when he/she engages in oral, vaginal, or anal sex with someone else but feel that sexting an ex-partner is playful flirting. Another example might be sharing secrets or engaging in intimate behaviors with someone other than your primary partner and rationalizing the experience as “not cheating” because you never had sex with the other person.

Yet another example might be, sexual intimacy with someone other than your partner but believe that since the feelings you have for the other person are not as strong as those for your primary partner, then the act was not cheating. A final example might be having a romantic interlude with someone else and not disclosing it to your partner. If confronted about it, then it’s cheating….if you are not confronted by your spouse, then it is okay. Please understand that if you and your partner have not talked about your actions and consented to those actions beforehand…it’s cheating.

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Science Proves Why ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’ Is True

October 4, 2016 By MCJStaff Leave a Comment

Engagement

Jason Hughes –Blackdoctor.org

Most married men live by the mantra – “happy wife, happy life.”

Well, whoever came up with that saying wasn’t lying, according to a new study published in the medical journal Health Psychology.

Research shows that good and bad physical health is determined by the happiness of a person’s wife or husband. More than 1,900 heterosexual couples were surveyed for the experiment.

Individuals with a disgusted, or angry spouse had an overall health worse than individuals with happy partners. Those with discontented wives or husbands also were more physically impaired and didn’t exercise as much.

“We’ve known for a long time that when we surround ourselves with happy people, we’re happier,” the study’s lead author, William J. Chopik, said in the New York Times. “But now we know that it not only makes us happier but healthier as well.”

When the spouse is happy, Chopik explained, he or she is more supportive at home and encourages better eating habits.

Here are a few tips to keep your spouse happy at home:

Be appreciative.

Don’t be afraid to regularly remind your partner that you appreciate them and the things he or she does – everything from cleaning the kitchen to walking the dog to helping the kids with the homework. Unhappiness begins as soon as one person in the marriage feels unappreciated.

Be affectionate.

Don’t be afraid to show affection through light kisses when your spouse comes home from work or hugs when he or she has had a bad day. The little things go a long way in preserving happiness in the marriage.

Be cute.

It’s easy to give way to the laziness when keeping up your appearance. Keep in mind the days when you first met your partner. What did you wear on dates? How did you flirt? Was there a certain hairstyle your partner liked on you? Being sexy for your spouse will help keep the fire lit.

Duane Martin & Tisha Campbell Martin Celebrate 20 Years Of Marriage!

August 22, 2016 By MCJStaff Leave a Comment

duane-and-tisha

Aria Ellise –Blackdoctor.org

This day and age where you can get marred in a drive-through window like you’re ordering a burger (don’t believe me, go to Las Vegas) and where divorces and cheating is all over television, it’s rare you see a couple stay together beyond seven years. Now, factor in if the couple is in the entertainment business, then the rate of divorce is much higher with weddings lasting an average of only three years.

But one of the most-loved Hollywood couples has been doing it now for 20 years and promises to keep it together for another twenty. Duane Martin and Tisha Campbell-Martin were marred in 1996 and haven’t looked back since. Twenty years and two kids later, the couple is still smiling at each other, making jokes about one another and seen getting flirty with each other after all these years.

When asked what it takes to be married for this long, the couple both jump and agree that it’s all about perspective.

“It’s a lot of laughter, it’s a lot of understanding, it’s a lot of — you know — letting the other person be who they are,” explains Tisha. “We always have very positive people around us. People who are opinion leaders, people who hold us accountable for own actions. We really take that seriously.”

For full post click here.

BEAUTIFUL! New York Couple Celebrates 70th Wedding Anniversary

July 4, 2016 By MCJStaff Leave a Comment

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By Aria Ellise –Blackdoctor.org

In this day and age, many people can’t say they’ve been married over 20 years. Well, shoot…with divorce and separation rates increasing amongst 29 – 40 year olds, many people can’t say they’ve been married over 10 years. So it is definitely a rare thing to see a couple like Moses and Evelyn Smallwood who have been married longer than most reading this have been alive.

Moses and Evelyn Smallwood just celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary. They met while attending Eastern District High School in Brooklyn, New York. Moses was drafted into the US Navy in 1943 and honorably discharged on March 14, 1946. They married on June 28, 1946 at the First AME Zion Methodist Church in Brooklyn, New York.

Moses began working for E.R. Squibb & Sons soon after his discharge and retired 45 years later having risen to a leadership management position. Evelyn worked at the Federal Bookbindery in lower Manhattan for several years until 1957 when she became a federal employee on Governor’s Island. She worked for the Treasury Department and then the VA Hospital at Northport where, after 30 years of federal service, she retired after becoming the first Black female Personnel Director in the Veterans Administration.

They began attending Trinity Lutheran Church in St. Albans in 1959 and transferred their membership to The Lutheran Church of the Epiphany in 1963 where they continue to attend worship services regularly, and have served as members of the Church Council, Counting Committee, Evangelism Committee, WELCA, Usher Board and Youth Group sponsors. They were active members of the Lakeview Gardens Block Association, and Moses belonged to a bowling league for many years. They both became avid bridge players beginning in the early 80s and today are among the top 200 bridge players in the Eastern Section of the American Bridge Association (yes, there is such an organization). They attend weekly bridge games and travel to bridge tournaments across the United States.

They have two daughters and sons-in-law, seven grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren. …and they lived happily ever after!

Here’s to the Smallwood’s celebrating their first 70 years and wishing them another 70 years together!

(side note: Did you notice throughout their story, that “church” was a central theme in everything that they did? Just a hought to those looking for a meaningful relationship, lol)

David And Tamela Mann On Marriage: “I’ve Found A Good Thing”

May 2, 2016 By MCJStaff Leave a Comment

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By T. R. Causay –Blackdoctor.org

David and Tamela Mann are one of the cutest couples. They work on some of the same shows and movies

“When I found her I found a GOOD THING and now I truly have favor with God,” David wrote on the pair’s joint Instagram account. “Forever with you just doesn’t seem long enough but I promise I’m going to make the best of our time together I Love you Tamela Mann. #mannandwife #mannsworld.”

“We met in high school,” David says. “A friend of mine brought her (Tamela) to the group where myself, Kirk Franklin and Darrell Blair sang. Tamela thought she was bad and she came to the school to teach us how to sing. Long story short, one day I looked into her eyes and she kissed me on my lips. That is the short version of it.

“I wanted to marry someone that enjoyed and did the same things that I’ve done. We’ve built it all together and that’s really been a great blessing for us,” Tamela previously told CP. “I’m still enjoying my life and marriage. And it’s not a put on, we just sit around day-to-day enjoying each other’s company without all the hooplah.”

After nearly 28 years of marriage, the pair finishes each others’ sentences and you can see in interviews they love to laugh and love to make each other laugh as well. While they speak about genuinely enjoying each other’s company on and off of the red carpet, David insists he does not have to work on balancing his family since he makes them a priority.

“In this industry there’s something that we never balance and that’s our marriage and our family. There’s our marriage and family, then the industry,” David revealed to CP. “We never give anything the same weight that we give our marriage and family because any time you balance something, you give it weight to balance it. Our marriage, our family, our relationship far outweighs anything we’ll do in this industry or in this business.”

When asked about how they keep the flame alive after so many years, especially in the entertainment industry Tamela simply says, “I do things to keep him turned on; it is never a dull moment. I try to give him a different lady- I may try to change my hair color or change up something, especially in the bedroom. I try to make sure he is keeping his eye on me.”

“One day we can try to make love,” David adds. “We hanging off the door until we can’t breathe!”

Tamela continues,”We talk about everything. If something happens, we try not to go to bed angry with each other and whatever upsets me, we talk about it. Even if it takes calming down for a few minutes and then going back to it. We don’t let things fester a long time. We keep it all out in the open and we don’t have any agendas. Everything is together- there are no separate accounts. Everything has both of our names on it. This is how we keep everything open in our relationship so we can always put everything on the table.”

Ayesha Curry: “Marriage Is A Gift”

March 25, 2016 By MCJStaff Leave a Comment

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By Aria Elise –Blackdoctor.org

It’s pretty easy to see that Ayesha Curry is not your typical basketball wife you may see on reality TV spewing out curse words or fighting. She’s too busy for that and that’s not how she was raised. It’s in her religious and creative upbringing that helped mold her into wife and mother she is today.

Not only is she married to basketball superstar Stephen “Steph” Curry, point guard for the 2015 NBA Champions’ the Golden State Warriors, mom to Riley and Ryan Curry, has a popular lifestyle and food blog, Little Lights of Mine, Ayesha is way more than just a basketball wife.

But before all of this, Ayesha didn’t know anything about basketball when she finally went to her first game at the age of 19. Alexander had started dating the star player after meeting him nearly five years earlier at a church youth group.

Ayesha married the NBA superstar in 2011 and since then, the pair has welcomed two beautiful daughters, Riley and Ryan.

“Marriage has given me a little family of my own. We hold each other accountable, love each other and always are there for each other,” she says. “I feel more balanced now because I know what it’s like to care for others. Marriage has given me the gift of compassion.”

Steph may be a busy man, and his wife is too, but she makes it clear that family comes first, no matter where they are in the world.

“I am blessed with a wife that’s willing to travel with me,” Steph told ABC News. “I don’t know what I’d do if she wasn’t able to be there with me to go to different events. I mean, I have a two-month-old daughter and she’s been on 10 flights already … It’s a lot to manage, and we are still learning as young parents.”

“We travel as a pack, our little wolf pack,” she said, adding that when she’s filming her food demonstrations or writing her blog, there’s most likely, “a baby hanging off me or Riley is sitting at my feet playing.”

Plus, “Steph is the most hands-on father. He manages his life and his day with so much humility, I’m just lucky to have him as my husband.”

While her husband is putting in work in the gym and on the court, Ayesha has basically created a brand for herself in the kitchen.

“After having my daughter, I kind of made a career change, and so I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do where I could be home with her and still have something for myself,” says Ayesha. “My main reason for doing all of this, is that I felt like at the time being a mom and being a wife wasn’t considered cool, and maybe it was a little bit looked down upon.”

Ayesha’s latest venture includes a collaboration with TJ Maxx, but in typical Curry fashion, it’s not just about promoting the brand, but more importantly promoting women.

“We are trying to shed light on the fact that all women and all mothers are remarkable,” she said. “We did a study and it came back that only 19 percent of women saw themselves in this light. The rest think they are just average.”

“Before becoming a mom for the second time this summer, I also considered myself average,” she continued. “That is something we all need to change.”

Young Riley does not have a clue of the star she has become when her father decided to bring her to a post-game press conference back in May during the NBA Finals.

“And that’s exactly how we’d like to keep it,” Ayesha explained. “She already has so much personality, if she caught wind of this, who knows what would happen.”

5 Reasons You Should Go To Marriage Counseling

March 23, 2016 By MCJStaff 7 Comments

By Iesha Pompey, BlackDoctor.org Contributor

Instead of checking up on your spouse, it may be time to check-in.

Marriage counseling has been a stigma for many Black families. Lester L. Barclay, author of The African-American Guide to Divorce & Drama: Breaking Up Without Breaking Down, shared with Essence.com that it’s more common for Black couples to neglect the idea that a part of their marital trouble is poor mental health and they, particularly men, refuse to seek professional help.

“Historically, Black people have been taught that what happens in this house stays in this house or we have been taught to sweep things under the rug,” explains Dr. TaMara Griffin, certified clinical sexologist and relationship expert. This kind of silencing and thinking, Dr. Griffin believes, has led to the demise of many Black marriages, families and communities.

Some feel that it’s easier to phone a lawyer to end the marriage instead of a counselor, who could possibly save it. We are very prideful people and one of the things we pride ourselves on most is being strong.

While it may sound fancier to say you’re meeting with your lawyer instead of your “shrink”, the real strength is in fighting for your marriage as many times as it takes to keep it together. And sometimes, we could use a little help from someone on the outside (objectively) looking in.

“Seeking a marriage and family therapist can help provide an outside non-biased perspective and input that can help you and your partner/spouse see things in a new way. They can also help provide tools and techniques that couples can use to save and strengthen their marriage,” said Dr. Griffin.

Counselors are known to help couples navigate through many issues including intimacy, infidelity, differing parental styles, money management, communication and overbearing in-laws.

Here are five reasons you should go to marriage counseling, even if your relationship is in good standing.

1. Stay together

The obvious reason many spouses chose to go to counseling is because they want to improve their relationship. But, they don’t know how. This is often the case for couples who lack intimacy and have begun to function as roommates instead of lovers. Speaking to a licensed counselor can be helpful in sorting out the issues that are causing disengagement and get things back on track, Donna M. White, LMHC, CACP writes in PsychCentral.

2. Help for the heavy stuff

Some of us are dealing with things that are too heavy to discuss with loved ones, including our spouses. Experiencing things like childhood trauma, depression, sexual assault, death, etc. can bring psychological baggage into the relationship that needs unpacking. In this case, it may be best to seek individual counseling for post traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD.

Because individual counseling helps the individual, and not always the marriage as a whole, it’s still a good idea to seek marriage counseling with your partner to discuss the symptoms and seriousness of PTSD and how it affects your marriage.

Dr. Griffin offers that “Working with a marriage and family therapist individually and collectively can help offer perspective on how to support each other while dealing with individual challenges.”

3. Let it Out

Sometimes, couples find it easier to be outspoken about their relationship problems when they are upset. Discussing a problem while you are upset can be difficult for both spouses as one spouse may be too emotional to articulate their true feelings and the other too emotional to comprehend. “You will learn how to be assertive without being offensive. Both spouses need to be able to talk about their issues without fear of hurting the other spouse,” said Cathy Meyer, a marriage educator, in her article on About.com.

4. Better communication

Have you ever repeatedly told your spouse something and they seemed to misunderstand what you were saying until someone else said it? Well, in this case, that someone else would be your therapist. Counselors are trained to teach their clients how to communicate effectively. “In marriage counseling you will learn communication skills that will help you not only listen to your spouse but, to also process what your spouse is saying,” said Meyer.

5. Maintenance

As simple as it is to ask your spouse, ‘What do you need from me?’ many of us forget to do it. More importantly, we tend to forget to act on their needs. Marital therapy isn’t just an option for relationships on the rocks. It’s also a great preventative method to assure that you are maintaining a healthy relationship. This becomes critically important when it comes to matters in the bedroom.

Dr. Griffin says, “A marriage and family therapist can teach you the tools to help you spice up your marriage and to keep things sexy in and out of the bedroom.”

Finding the Right Counselor

The key to successful counseling is finding a counselor who is right for you. There are many counselors willing to take on marital affairs. But, that doesn’t mean they are a licensed marriage and family therapist. Before you hire a therapist, ask them about their experience with marriage counseling.

If paying for a counseling is the issue, try to find an income-based counseling program. You can also find out if a college near you offers counseling services to the public. These services are usually provided by graduate students, under the supervision of a licensed therapist, and can be as low as $10.

If you and your spouse make the decision your marriage is worth fighting for, you both must be willing to seek help and commit to the process. “Keep in mind that changes will not occur overnight,” Dr. Griffin advises. She adds, “You will experience good days and challenging days – that’s all a part of the healing and growth process. But if you are totally committed to each other and the trust the process, the results will ultimately pay off.”

Niecy Nash: “It’s Hard To Fight Naked”

February 26, 2016 By MCJStaff Leave a Comment

untitled6 By Aria Ellise –Blackdoctor.org

Actress Niecy Nash has been doing a lot lately. The married mother of three is currently on the critically-acclaimed HBO show Getting On as geriatric nurse Didi Ortley in an elderly care home, playing the straight woman among a bunch of loony doctors and medical staff. She’s the only one who seems to be the least bit concerned with the welfare of her patients, and as such is often the warm, beating heart of the show.

Nash is a star on the rise, with movie and television series roles like the over-the-top Officer Raineesha Williams on Reno 911.

To be a constantly working Black actress in Hollywood is a feat in itself. Nash says its two things that made this happen:

“One is my faith. God has really been kind in terms of me always keeping a job. And the other part is to diversify. Sometimes we start in one thing and we stay in that one thing. But I always like to try things I’ve never done. Okay, I’m doing an unscripted comedy like ‘Reno 911!’ How about I go over here and try hosting a home makeover show? Maybe I can be a correspondent. Let me go over here to ‘Entertainment Tonight.’ I think I can dance a little bit, let me try to be a dancing star. Let me write a book. I’m an author. It’s just constantly finding ways to continue to put your art into the world.”

But it was her book on sex and relationships called It’s Hard to Fight Naked that really got people talking about her. In it, Nash simply stated that the secret to a happy marriage: one of them blowjobs. “A BJ a day keeps the divorce attorney away.”

After the critical acclaim and backlash from her statement, she explained the true meaning:

“When I wrote my book, I was sharing my advice and my experience based on my journey. I have a 65-year-old mother who said to me, ‘I have lived in this world for 65 years and I would have never written down what you wrote and I would have never written that book. But I lived long enough to know baby girl, that every word of it is true.’”

“Here’s the double dip on that question of finding the energy. I feel like I’m built to be a wife. I feel like in that, there’s a responsibility that comes with the job. No you don’t always want to get up and go to work, that’s why it’s called a “blow job.” But at the end of that two week period when you receive your payment for services rendered, you feel like, ‘Oh, I needed that. That came right on time.’ So there is a call on my life in my role as a wife to be of service. And in turn, my service is repaid by covering and protecting. So I’m not going to be without what I need on the other side of it because I’m also giving what is necessary for the relationship to have the reciprocity that it needs for us to both be fulfilled. So while I do have a family, I may not have to go into the kitchen because he knows I’ve been at work all day. So not only is he going to pick the baby up from school, he’s going to feed her and make sure he has something in the refrigerator for me too? Oh yeah, you about to get it when I get home.

There’s reciprocity in it. I’m not painting a picture of a woman who is just a martyr for the D-game. I’m not just going to live my life in service unto you, but what I am saying is that in the right relationship, being of service begets reciprocity of everybody’s needs being met…whatever they may be.”

So, what Nash is really saying is that she as a wife is a giver, but not in the sense that giving all of yourself just to please someone who doesn’t give back. But her giving inspires giving from her husband. So they are not in it 50/50, but 100/100.

Her advice actually reminds me of advice that a friend said that his father told him: “Whenever you’re in a heated argument with your wife and you’re at home, start getting undressed. After you get naked, only two things are going to happen: 1) she will start laughing or 2) you and her will start to get busy. Either way, the argument has stopped.”

In summary, the couple that comes together…ah, you know the rest.

What He Said: 5 Guaranteed Ways He Will Never Marry You

February 15, 2016 By MCJStaff Leave a Comment

untitled By Michael B. –Blackdoctor.org

**Please Note: “What He Said” is a series designed to get feedback directly from a male’s point of view. Thoughts and opinions of “What He Said” panelists do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackDoctor.org**

So, you’ve been dating awhile and you’re getting that itch. You’re thinking that he may propose any time now, but he hasn’t. But you’re going to give him time, right? Well, how much time? It’s important to know because he may not even propose at all. Yeah, I said it. How do I know? Because I was that guy.

I was the serial monogamous type of guy. I met ALL of my past women’s mothers and families–even my side pieces, because I was able to transform into the guy that they wanted. But I ended up letting them all go and married only one.

So now, I just go around the country trying to share with women what they could be doing wrong and what their men is REALLY thinking. No Steve Harvey stuff. No relationship guru. Just a man who has loved, and broken more than his fair share of hearts and now trying to use his powers for good.

Here’s how to tell that he will NEVER marry you, but this list is a little different than other lists you see. This list is what you do as women that make him rethink popping the question. Ok, here goes:

1. You let him do anything – As a man, if we know we can get away with it, we will try it. And then try to push the envelope to try it again. It’s really up to the woman to put some parameters, not constraints. No real man likes to be told what he can or cannot do, but offering it up in a way that says something like “if you do this, I don’t know if I can be with you” or “if you do that, I may have to do it too” is more of a pill a man can take. If you let him do anything you’re going to be his “anything” girl, and not his wife.

You can trust a man and give him parameters. As long as he shares with you what he did or is doing, you don’t have to blow his phone up while he’s gone to “check on him”. Just watch, if you act like you have a life too outside of checking up on him, most men will make it their duty to check in with his woman on his own.

2. You put too much emphasis on social media – Women, listen to me when I tell you this…who gives a flying fart that he “liked” a pic on Instagram of some big booty girl? Nine times out of 10, he probably likes big booties — and there is nothing wrong with that. But then when you start nit-picking over every little thing he does on social media and you’re not even his wife, the countdown to putting you in the “She’s Always Tripping” box has already started.

Let’s be real, if you’re snooping around his social media and emails, you have bigger fish to fry. Are you snooping because he did something previously? Or are you snooping because some other man did something before him and you want to make sure he doesn’t do it too? Newsflash Ladies: He’s NOT the other guy! If this is a guy you really want to spend the rest of your life with, what is your point in checking him telling him to delete this person or that person? If he wants to be with you, he will do it himself. Nagging him will push him to keep in contact with those people just to spite you. It’s stupid, I know, but men can be petty sometimes too.

Moral of the story: pick your battles so you can win the war.

3. You automatically assume the negative – (*sigh*) This goes on with TOO many women I talk to. We all make assumptions from time to time, but why does it always have to be bad when you think of him? When something happens you automatically assume the worse and let it be known to him about “what he did” before he can even say a word. Try something different for a change, assume the positive. Think of good things that he could be doing when he’s not with you. Assume the beauty in him instead of the dark side. Then voice those good assumptions to him. Only two things will happen when you do:
1. He will be pleasantly surprised and begin to actually do those things you mentioned…

2. He will step aside and let another man in because he really has been doing bad stuff and will think you’re too much of a good girl for him.

4. You don’t apologize – Wooooo! This one is hard for a lot of women and men. Listen, we all aren’t right 100% of the time, if you are wrong and get found out that you are wrong but don’t even offer up a sincere apology for it, he’s wondering if this is the kind of woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. A simple apology lets a man know that (1) you are human. No man wants a know-it-all woman, especially one who puts it in his face that she knows it all. And (2) shows that you care enough about him and his feelings to be the bigger person and admit your wrongs. Offer him a kiss, cook him a dinner…something to let him know you are sorry along with your apology. It goes a long way–trust me.

5. You don’t recognize his effort – Ladies, ladies, ladies…a real man will make an effort for you, in more ways than one. He will make an effort financially, socially, and even spiritually if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. But if those small efforts aren’t even recognized, he’s thinking in the back of his head, why am I even putting in effort if I won’t get anything in return?

You know your man, right? Find a way to celebrate him, not just on father’s day, NOT just on his birthday, but just some random day to celebrate HIM. If he’s truly a great guy like you think he is, don’t lose him just because of your stubbornness to always make it about you. If he’s making an effort in a certain area, tell him, show him that you appreciate him. I don’t want to tell you how many times, MARRIED MEN who cheat express that their main reason is that the woman doesn’t appreciate him anymore. Don’t just think about you, think of both of you.

Well, this is just part one. There’s more truth to this than you know. After all is said and done and you gave it your all, then maybe that guy isn’t the one for you anyway. Just be the best woman you can be and “the one” will find you.

Peace.

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