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You are here: Home / Archives for dating

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LIT Dating: Local Org Teaches on Healthy Relationships

February 4, 2019 By MKE Community Journal Leave a Comment

When I was in high school I enjoyed being involved in multiple activities. I played football, ran track, basketball, student council and variety of other things. I quickly became a recognizable face which brought friends and lots of girlfriends. Despite having the popularity with the ladies I always showed respect, never dating more than one, or treating them like I was a gift to them. Towards my senior year I started going to more parties with peers and their dates and more often then none, I would witness verbal or some sort of physical abuse amongst couples. The most unforgettable time was when I saw a couple fighting and I jumped in to stop the guy. The response I got from the young lady taught me a disturbing lesson, “get off him, stop, it’s not what it looks like!” It was exactly what it looked like, but to her, as unhealthy as it was, its normal. As an adult I see the effects that type of relationship has had on women I have dated, it is for this reason we must show and teach our youth what healthy relationships are about, a task taken on by a local organization.

 

L.I.T standing for Leaders igniting transformation held is a monthly series with this on focusing on healthy relationships. Teens ages 13 to 19 were able to hear from speakers during breakout sessions that divided the boys from the girls. For the boys sessions focused on, “breaking out the man box” examining the social restrictions set on males. Or the young ladies sessions were titled “relationship begins with me” and “rebirthing you” putting the focus loving and taking care of self as a priority before others.

Studies have shown that more than 12 percent of high school females have reported physical violence in relationships, and over 16% have reported sexual violence. As noted in the introduction, there are others who don’t report it because its normal, therefore the number is likely significantly higher.

Teach your kids there worth! Show them if you don’t they could allow people to mistreat them as they grow up.

by Joshua Thomas

Filed Under: MKE Monday Juice Tagged With: dating, LIT

Dating While Sober: How to Pass Up Booze Without Passing on Love

September 26, 2018 By MKE Community Journal Leave a Comment

When it comes to dating, “let’s grab a drink” is often the go to first date invitation. Many opt to cure first date jitters with a libation or two to “chill out” and feel more comfortable.  What happens if you are a recovering alcoholic and you can’t opt for “liquid courage” to get you through those awkward dating moments? For approximately 30-million Americans who identify as recovering from alcohol abuse, dating while sober is often a tricky reality. With tips on how to pass on booze but not on love, is Dr. Duy Nguyen, D.O., a Board-Certified Psychiatrist in General Psychiatry practicing at Beachway Therapy Center, a drug and alcohol rehab in Boynton Beach, Florida.

 

  1. Take the lead and suggest a dry date.

The easiest way to maintain sobriety is to avoid situations where alcohol is present. Having several alcohol-free dating options already in mind can empower you to steer the date in a dry direction more easily.  Opt for daytime dates that are more activity focused, get you outside enjoying quality time together away from any bar. “Doing activities that aren’t conducive to drinking such as museums, galleries, fairs, and festivals could be fun. People who don’t drink often are the most creative when it comes to choosing fun dates,” says Dr. Nguyen.

 

  1. Create your new story and get honest.

In the spirit of 12-step recovery, which emphasizes the importance of self-honesty, aim for truthfulness in how you present yourself. If an on-line dating profile questionnaire asks how much you drink, don’t let fear about what others may think prevent you from checking the “Never” box. “Frame out when and how you plan to reveal what inspired your decision not to drink. Simply saying that you no longer drink alcohol is enough in the beginning. When you get to know someone better then share your story from a place of an achievement you’re proud of,” Dr. Nguyen encourages.

 

  1. Get clear on what you want in a partner.

If someone has an issue with you not drinking, then they clearly aren’t the right person for you and that’s okay. Decide if you would prefer to date someone who understands recovery, may even have been through it themselves or is a health enthusiast who also doesn’t drink.

 

Dr. Nguyen says that, “While there are a lot of benefits to dating those in recovery, it can also lead to risky situations. There are often times in which one partner relapses and the other follows, although this isn’t a guarantee.”

 

If you decide that you want to date non-recovering people, it’s best to have some clean time under your belt and be solid in your recovery, as this can lead to tempting situations.

 

  1. Trust your gut, nerves can be a good indicator!

Your nerves could very well be indicating that there is something there. That is, chemistry. Dr. Nguyen says, “Alcohol typically dulls our sensory and emotional experience so without it we’re open to the raucous disarray of emotions that warp us when we’re under the spell of a potential new love. Of course, that doesn’t make the experience of a new relationship any easier. Try to reframe the experience in a way that embraces these jitters.”

 

  1. Don’t make love the new addiction.

On top of the excitement that comes with meeting a potential new partner, scientifically we produce numerous hormones that can increase that excitement. “A new relationship can very much become a replacement drug,” says Dr. Nguyen. He adds, “Many confuse infatuation with love, so it’s a good idea is to take it slowly. Again, make sure that you are at a place emotionally that can handle all of the new feelings that come with dating and be prepared if relationships don’t end the way you expected.”

 

  1. Embrace the awkward.

“Being sober will probably increase the number of awkward pauses, says Dr. Nguyen. “We’re sharper and more present when we’re not drinking which can actually be used as an advantage to navigate conversation and ask the other person about themselves which enables a deeper connection and more trust,” he adds.

 

  1. Keep first dates short.

The majority of first dates that extend into the wee hours of the morning are alcohol fueled and can lead to unintended promiscuity. Dr. Nguyen suggests going into the date with a self-imposed time frame in mind, two to three hours and then making another date if there’s interest. For a recovering alcoholic, especially someone in early sobriety, being “forced” to bar hop will be like white knuckling it on a scary roller coaster.

 

If you feel dating is hard enough and are more comfortable with dating others who practice a sober lifestyle, there are many options:

 

https://www.sobersinglesdate.com

 

https://www.12stepmatch.com

 

http://www.soberandsingle.com

 

https://www.aadatingservice.com

 

https://www.soberdatingservice.com

 

About Dr. Duy Nguyen:

D.O. is a Board-Certified Psychiatrist at Beachway Therapy Center trained in general psychiatry who specializes in providing psychiatric care in a variety of settings including residential drug and alcohol rehabilitation, inpatient and outpatient mental health, and the VA Medical Center. Dr. Nguyen is committed to providing a high level of evidence-based psychiatric care in the drug rehabilitation setting in addition to having a holistic focus on healing and recovery.

 

About Beachway Therapy Center http://www.beachway.com

Beachway provides a continuum of care, from PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) to Outpatient services. The facility offers a fully individualized treatment plan that meets the clinical and medical needs of each client usually lasting between 30 and 90 days.  Beachway provides an extremely low client to therapist ratio and under high level professional supervision, clients can begin to recover in a safe, residential-like environment.  CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) motivational interviewing, addiction counseling, 12-Step orientation, DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy,) trauma-informed practices and a wide variety of supportive group therapies are offered.

 

Filed Under: Health Tagged With: addiction, Addiction and Recovery, alcohol, dating

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